Two Months After the Fire

Zoe's birthday in Irvine

Lunar New Year festival in Arcadia

Valentine's Day in Pasadena

Bracelets by Zoe, all materials gifted

Zoe's most recent drawing of us, hanging on the door in our current place in Alhambra

It's been a bit over two months since the Eaton Fire and we are still displaced.  Earlier this week I came to the jarring realization that I hadn't shaved my armpits since this whole ordeal with the Eaton Fire.  I was standing in the bathroom of our third Airbnb (fourth relocation, if you count the first two weeks at my parents' place in Irvine), just getting ready to dry my hair, when it hit me that I hadn't even checked on my armpits in the year of 2025 yet.  Now, I am not a very hairy person, so I usually just do a quick, dry pass with the razor once every couple of weeks to take care of the stray little hairs poking out.  When I looked under my arms this day, holy moly--I had no idea how kinky my armpit hair could be, once allowed to grow out!  With a mixture of awe and disgust, I got rid of it.  And that's when I realized how long it has actually been, how out of touch I must be with my own needs.

In the elevator at our hotel in Arcadia on Lunar New Year

In our suite in Arcadia on the morning of her 4th birthday

Happy to have an indoor pool at the hotel in Arcadia

Doing art at the AirBNB in Highland Park, with her chair from home

Enjoying city sunsets on the rooftop of our AirBNB in Highland Park

Decorated our Highland Park AirBNB living room for good luck

Zoe and her robot in our Alhambra AirBNB

Refrigerator in our Alhambra AirBNB

Riding her scooter in Alhambra

Little things like this will tune me into how much time has passed since we've been out of our house: the brand new tube of toothpaste that I bought from Target running out, cutting Zoe's nails for the fourth time, pushing back a dermatologist appointment twice, needing to buy another 4-pack of tissue boxes, getting my period for the third time.  Though we've been city-hopping and I have been neglectful in some areas, I do feel a strong sense of purpose, and belonging.  I realize that though our house is inaccessible and the Altadena community has scattered, I still have many close ties to friends from all around, and I still am Zoe's rock, no matter where we find ourselves.  I feel so much gratitude, to everybody who has come through for us in this time.  Friends from my many walks of life, in Irvine, Pasadena, San Diego, Arcadia, Highland Park, San Gabriel, Alhambra, and Redondo Beach, have welcomed us in for meals or planned outings with the kids.  We've been overwhelmed by an outpouring of gifts: books, stuffed animals, art supplies, clothes, toys, snacks, and more, from everybody.  We've never felt alone in any of this.  I almost feel like I've accumulated more sentimental things from this post-fire phase alone than what we had before.  Zoe definitely feels the love, too.  We're so lucky that we have a supportive community of friends through Zoe's preschool.  Also, fortunately Zoe is at an age where she is able to find the fun in every situation in that innocent way, even though she does periodically ask to return to "2***" again.  In a lot of ways, she has been the shining light guiding me through it all, keeping me grounded and moving forward.

Zoe's Lunar New Year themed birthday party at her Uncle and Aunt's house in Irvine

A few of Zoe's many new toys and presents in the hotel in Arcadia

Zoe and her besties from Altadena, who paid us a visit in Highland Park

Zoe got a big fox, who she named Plum, at the Altadena Kindred giveaway event in Highland Park. This organization was started by our good friend and neighbor, Linda, to reach affected children.

Big smiles at the Children's Books 4 Altadena event in South Pasadena, with yummy cupcakes donated by Silva's Bakes. This organization was also started by an Altadena resident, a preschool teacher.

Taco night and play date followed by a walk to get ice cream with our Altadena fam

Zoe's favorite teacher/person came to our Alhambra AirBNB

Valentine's Day gifts from Wes - necklace with our cross streets and Altadena Bev sweater

I feel so much gratitude towards Wes, who has worked tirelessly from the moment he wakes up to the moment he sleeps.  Between house stuff and work stuff, he's still been cooking dinners for us, and taking care of Zoe.  From that fateful night until now, he's done all of the logistical things to ensure that we get to return home safely, and that our home remains unharmed.  Neighbors have had their homes broken into.  We also had a scare (false alarm in the middle of the night) that resulted in our back door getting forced open by firemen... Wes had to figure out a replacement immediately.  There seems to be an endless list of things for him to do.  I went back maybe a handful of times and have seen a lot of progress because of his hard work.  I am beyond grateful to say that we are in such a good situation, all things considered.  I am surprised that I can already see the light at the end of the tunnel with each visit home.  We've got clean air that doesn't smell like smoke anymore, a UV air filter that Wes installed into our HVAC system, new air quality sensors for detecting fine particulate matter inside and outside, clean floors, clean walls, clean windows, clean furniture, clean sheets, working appliances, and as of last week, clean water again.  The fence that was blown down is fixed, the trees--both the hazardous and the fallen--removed, even the grass seed is planted for the upcoming season.  Among other things which I remain unaware, Wes still has to repair the electrical wiring and landscape lighting around the perimeter of our back yard that were burned; order and replace window blinds; get the attic insulation changed out; and figure out what we are going to do with the couch and mattresses (probably going to replace, just to be safe).  The garage is still ashy, so not only will he have to clean it, but also inventory all that is no longer usable to claim to insurance.  He insists on doing it all.  We've been slowly moving things over to where we're staying in Alhambra and washing the clothes in manageable loads, rather than paying someone to come and clean it all for us.  Zoe's stuffed animals have taken many a spin in the washer and dryer as well.  

Masking because of those "PM2.5 particles" prior to the first rain

Back yard tree removal (crying)

Front eucalyptus tree removal (crying more)

R.I.P. trees

One day, Wes will make something with these

Fence repair by Wes

R.I.P. fences, you helped us in the fire

Fence repair under way

Fence repair complete

Installing the UV filter, Wes makes a hole in the HVAC system

UV filter complete

Buying wood for another fence repair, and other tools for various projects

Filling cracks - not fire-related, but just Wes adding things to his to-do list

Animal bath time - multiple cycles to get rid of the smoke smell

Wes steam cleaning the couch

Wes still cooks us dinner sometimes! Hainan chicken, which came out great even without the temperature probe that he forgot to bring over from Altadena.

Overall, it's been weird, but not that bad, living out of a duffel bag and doing less cooking, because we know that it's all temporary.  The time has gone by really quickly, as life has been as busy as it always was... although, in the first few days after the fire, I felt like time stood still and I was stuck in some insane alternate reality.  Two to three weeks after the fire, we were still just trying to figure out our next moves and what to expect, not planning a lot of social outings and barely leaving the hotel (only to go to work or our house).  Looking back, our time at the hotel in Arcadia was a stressful and uncertain time.  I was getting back on my feet with work and Zoe was transitioning (painfully) back to daycare.  Wes was on the phone all hours of the day with insurance, figuring out what they were going to cover and where we were going to live.  We were lucky to have a small community of folks in the same boat over at the hotel, whom we had many unforgettable interactions with.  By the time we were leaving the hotel, the state of things had become more clear and we were more ready to embrace the displaced lifestyle and find the spirit to do some spontaneous exploring.  We have been making a bunch of new and unexpected memories as a family.  Who knew that this year, we'd end up watching a circus show in an actual circus tent?  Or on a street corner eating piping hot churros and elote?  Or having mango shaved snow way past Zoe's bedtime?  Or riding a scooter to a pastry pop-up at the park?  Or sitting down to brunch at this restaurant I'd been meaning to try for years, now only a five-minute drive away?  Or picking up dinner from our all-time favorite barbacoa place three times in two weeks (which is more than in the last three years combined) because we were living literally around the corner?

Went out for Bingsu Bingsu on a whim in Arcadia after eating dinner in the hotel

Zoe loved the Circus Vargas show, which popped up by the Westfield Santa Anita on our last week in Arcadia

Barbacoa de borrego - the best - from My Taco, steps away from our Highland Park AirBNB

Trying the Chinese place next to My Taco - Happy Plus. Wes loved the salt-n-pepper fried shrimp.

Repeat customers at the churro stand walking distance from the Highland Park AirBNB

Repeat customers at the elote man, too. He puts the corn directly into the charcoal to get that nice browning!

Many scooter rides already in Alhambra, thanks to wide, flat sidewalks, and daylight savings.

The amazing Crumbs and Flakes pastries - pops up every Saturday in Alhambra Park (except the first of each month). We had friends to eat all of these with!

Latte and hot cocoa at Lost Parrot Cafe, right around the corner from our AirBNB in Alhambra

Now, going back to how this blog post originally started: me and my personal needs.  It's no surprise that ever since becoming a mom, my life changed completely and all healthy habits and social practices went out the window.  As of last summer, I finally felt ready to crawl out of my hole and regain some bits of my past self, such as going to yoga classes again, and reaching out to friends for one-on-one lunches and dinners.  When the fire happened, I felt like I had to retreat once again, focusing fully on Zoe and making flash decisions that we'd never had to make before.  Though Wes has been taking care of Zoe's needs as well, I still feel plugged in all of the time, except when I'm plugged in at work, I guess.  One day in February, I received an email from the yoga studio on our street in Altadena that they were reopening.  I knew that if there was one thing I could do that would help both myself and someone else in the community, it would be to attend a class there.  I prioritized it and showed up that same weekend, and it was so fulfilling.  The class was not very full, but I felt a connection with the others there and the owners of the studio.  We just all knew, times were insane.  My goal is to try to go more often than I was before.

I also just accomplished something new and surprising for myself--something that I never thought I'd ever attempt in a million years...I ran a 5k!  I was just registering Zoe for the annual LA Chinatown Firecracker Run--they have a 1k for kids that some of our friends' kids were participating in.  I automatically assumed that she'd be the only one in our family running a race, as I am not somebody who takes pleasure in running long distances, and I definitely would never pay to suffer.  I am not even at my peak level of fitness and there would be no time to train.  But then, I paused and thought about how it could be actually very exciting for me to give the 5k a shot... it would be physically and mentally challenging, and I'd be doing it just for me.  Plus, it's the year of the snake--my year.  It felt right to just go for it--I had nothing to lose.  I can endure.  There was no backing out, unlike when holding a tough yoga pose.  

I barely slept the night before because of the anticipation.  I caught the train at 6:50 AM to Chinatown on that brisk morning, and immediately felt a rush of adrenaline when I got my snake T-shirt and bib on.  I started the race with a spring in my step, then ran some and walked some, but stayed energized and engaged for the whole, hilly course.  At the finish line, it was indeed, extra satisfying and maybe even cathartic to receive that snake medal for myself at such an unprecedented time in my life.  Here's to embracing the Year of the Snake--the end of my third trip around the Zodiac, the shedding of what no longer serves me, a symbol of transformation and new beginnings.  I ran faster than I thought I could, paced myself without judgment, and finished strong.  I am ready for what's coming in the next part of 2025, but I'll hopefully never let my armpit hairs get away from me like that, again!